Friday, December 3, 2010

How To: Piss People Off


angry face

Getting someone angry isn’t a very difficult thing to do. In this modern age, most people are sufficiently frustrated with the world to react unfavourably to a few insensitive comments. Hopefully, this guide will help you anger more people to help ensure the world becomes a more hostile place to live in. =)

Things you need
  • Thick skin
  • A big mouth
  • No tact whatsoever
  • Nerve
Steps
  1. Most people don’t like being insulted. In fact, for some reason, most people actually become offended when they have been insulted. In order to make someone angry, you have to pick a target which isn’t very weak. There’s this saying I know which applies very well in this case. Repeat it like a mantra and you will go far.

    You don’t want to make people cry; you just want people to scream and throw things.

  2. With that in mind and with your intended target in sight, stride towards them confidently with a friendly smile. Although it may be difficult, try your best to keep the sneer out of your face. Don’t worry! Your reward will come soon.

  3. Start conversation. Begin on nice terms. Compliment them on their clothes. Tell them their hair looks nice. Just as they’re starting to feel a little bit better about their pathetic selves, deliver the blow with a crushing ‘BUT’. Nothing deflates joy as quickly as a ‘but’ following a compliment.

  4. That’s not it of course. Remember: the comment after the ‘but’ can’t be too crushing. Pick at their insecurities. If they didn’t have insecurities before you spoke to them, plant the fear. Plant the paranoia! For example, “Your hair looks nice today, but it’s just too bad that your teeth are kinda weird.” Your choice of comment has to be true (or at least believable).

  5. In most cases, your target will brush off your comment with either a joke or they’ll pretend they only heard the first part of it. If they choose to ignore it, then continue to press on. You could either point out how attractive they would look without such a defect, or various other insensitive comments. Other times, your target could respond with a “I don’t care” or a “I’m working on it". These are very good opportunities for you to anger them by pushing the issue onto them. Politely point out that they should care and that they should be working on it immediately. Make it seem as though it’s a big deal that’s bugging you personally. Do not, under any circumstances, let the issue slide, especially if the person seems eager to avoid the topic. After all, nothing makes a person angrier than when you deliberately ignore their wishes.

  6. If all goes well, your target would have been irritated or at least annoyed by this point. Of course, annoyance isn’t enough to spark anger. If you look closely, you should be able to see a shimmering of anger beneath their exterior. If that isn’t present, you clearly aren’t doing enough of a good job & should give up immediately before you embarrass yourself. If the anger is there, good job! You may proceed.

  7. If there is still enough for you to nitpick about their defect, keep doing it. But, at times, there are occasions when you’ve squeezed all you can out of a topic. The next best thing to do is to insult a family member or close friend of theirs. Do it subtly. For example, “Ohmygoodness, look at that girl. I heard she’s a horrible person and that she sleeps with a different guy every night!” Pretend as though you don’t know that the person is her sister/friend. After the attack to to the target’s own appearance, an attack to his or her family member/friend is usually enough to break the target’s facade of calm and hell will be unleashed.

  8. Sit back and watch the explosion. Keep smiling calmly as the target’s anger increases. In most occasions, the target will storm off in a huff. If that happens, congratulations! You’ve successfully pissed someone off!
Warning
Targets may become violent. If that occurs, call the police immediately. The law is on your side as you have done no physical harm to your target – only emotional.

Disclaimer
The methods stated in this guide are 100% guaranteed to work. If you fail, it is due to your own incompetency, not the fault of this guide or tiffanykml.com. Obviously, there are other means to anger a person, but the one stated here is proven to have the longest lasting effect on one’s self-esteem. If any injury or death occurs due to the advice given on this guide, please get the attack filmed and sent to me for entertainment purposes. Thank you.

10 comments:

  1. darn communists turned you to the dark side!

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  2. This is awful ._. Terrible you! You're encouraging us to insult the families of others too?

    TIFF!

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  3. No wonder your face looks bruised all the time.











    -You know I'm just kidding, right? ;)

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  4. LOL. This should go on ehow.com XD

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  5. @Chia Chien Teng

    Lol, I initially started this post to highlight what people do subconsciously which gets other people angry.. But as you can see.. I got a teeny wittle wittle little bit carried away. :P

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  6. @Zheng Xi

    You know.. You actually are quite nice.. But it's a pity you have that face.


    OOOOH!! GONNA HIT ME NOW?! PUNK?!? ;)

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  7. @xAoiSora

    Ahahahaha!! And then evil will spread! Bwahaha.

    Okay, no I kid.

    Don't do this.

    Don't let your friends do this.

    Don't let the kids of your friends do this.

    It's baaaad.

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  8. I am insulted that you didn't ask me for advice for this post...

    A certain fruit is very unhappy :(

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  9. @Pomellowdramatic

    Ahahha, aww.

    But to be honest, while writing this post, I told myself to be in a very you mood so I did sort of get your uh.. Help in my mind! :D

    ReplyDelete