Repose.

Friday, March 23, 2012
Nothing quite prepares you for the shock and the silence as disappointment mounts. People say that it doesn't matter, that you've done all you could, but there's a scratchy feeling within your chest - nothing too heavy or suffocating - that just nags at you. After receiving my results, I asked myself many questions and thought to myself for many minutes of a day of what I was truly capable of... because that's simply what happens with expectations. They climb and soar and the next thing you know, you're placed on a pedestal so high that even if you wore a parachute and had a waiting trampoline beneath, you would have no possible way of coming down safely. One by one, my peers climbed up the next rung, whilst the girl on the pedestal tumbled below, all the while wondering why she had been placed up there to begin with.

As I stood on the solid ground, bruised and tattered, I looked up at those on the pedestal. I saw their joy, their apprehension, and their anxiety... Because it's one thing to climb higher - and it's another to know that there's a long way to fall.

And yet, just to prove how silly us humans can be, we keep climbing. We don't know what's waiting for us at the top, or if there's anything there at all, but for some reason (if human instinct can be seen as a reason at all), we stand by the bottom rung and talk ourselves into thinking that we belong higher up. We make excuses & blame the "clearly foolish" government, the "definitely flawed" Bumi-prioritized system, the "different" A+ levels for different types of schools, and the "ridiculous" suffocating formats. We point our fingers and demand for re-evaluations.

Maybe we're right, but maybe we're wrong. Regardless of the truth, the world whispers of the girl who was pushed off the pedestal they themselves placed her on and they whisper of the boy they drove to suicide, their voices laced with disappointment and sorrow, sprinkled with judgement, and their fingers pointing everywhere else but themselves.

I did relatively well for SPM & have so much appreciation and love for those who have brought me here. To be honest, it took a while to see that. I was disappointed at some point for I knew that I disappointed a few people who had high hopes for me..

But A Levels is an entirely different ball game, and it's time to learn new rules!

All the best, my fellow students! May we be the best we can be! :)

Driving & Diptychs!

Friday, March 9, 2012

The wheel was slippery beneath my sweaty palms as I squinted to make out the road in front of me through the heavy rain. With every turn, water would splash terrifyingly from beneath the wheels, leaving me jittery and panicked. And then, a red light! I stepped on the clutch, pressed on the brake, and just as I thought I would come to a decent stop before the traffic lights, I made a mistake and the engine stalled once again.

Yep, that's right. I'm learning to drive & I'm absolutely awful at it!

No, that's an exaggeration. I'm not that bad.

When it's a straight road.

And when I don't have to stop.

Because I am almost incapable of starting the car without:
a) jerking it violently
b) killing the engine
c) causing my driving instructor to yell my name

I know some people find it super enjoyable & POWERFUL to drive, but I honestly feel quite comfortable with my dependency on another person to transport me around. "Yes, mommy, I will be home by 5pm if you can pick me up!"

I'm hoping my reluctance to be the chauffeur of my own life is due to the fact that driving manual cars are terribly challenging to those who seem to be coordination-impaired & that once I become acquainted with a nice, kind auto car, my inhibitions will race away! (pun intended)

Plenty more lessons to go, plenty more engines to kill, and a huge plethora of angry Malaysian drivers to further aggravate so I shouldn't be thinking too ahead anyway!

The point of this post is to share my progress for my March goal, which is to create 30 Diptychs! I know I said 40 at first but I decided to be a rational human being and so, I changed my mind. But firstly..

WHAT IS A DIPTYCH?

It sounds somewhat technological but fret not for a "diptych is a photograph that uses two different or identical images side by side to form one single artistic statement. The two images can literally be in contact with each other, or separated by a border or frame!"

dip1
#1

dip2
#2

dip3
#3

dip4
#4 (Baby brother learning to shave)

dip5
#5 (Squishy Kaelan Ong!)

dip6
#6 (Shane!)

dip7
#7

Of course, I have so much more to learn and these pictures aren't exactly works of art, but the more I take, the more I enjoy photography so let's hope my next 23 pictures come out better! For my sake.. and yours! Open-mouthed smile

March Goal

Sunday, March 4, 2012
I'm so bored of myself right now. I'm not bored as in I have nothing to do bored. I believe boredom in that sense doesn't exist and it's just another way to say "I'm too lazy to do something more interesting".

HOWEVER, I'm bored of myself. Like, ewww Tiffany why are you such a boring person kind of bored.

I'm not sure if that actually makes sense but humour me & pretend it does for a moment.

Anyhow, March Goal time! A little delayed but I am to do a photography goal this time. I pledge to make 40 30 diptych pictures!

What's a diptych? Well, I guess you'll have to wait and see. ;)

February Goal – Exercising?

Friday, March 2, 2012

I believe that positivity is absolutely crucial for the advancement and growth of a person. I also believe that when one sets a goal, they should try their best to complete it.

In that sense, I have both succeeded and failed. I kept my positivity.. But I failed my goal.

In February, I set a goal for myself to do at least two physical activities a week, not including the regular things I normally do. Through jogs and adventures around Subang, I discovered something amazing – that my brown face was capable of turning red.

photo 1 (1)

I was pretty much diligent for the first two weeks & found it easier to go up the stairs without getting as tired. Unfortunately, debate training and club recruitments got in the way.. and my already meagre physical activities dwindled to zero.

I was a dormant rat once again.

BUT FRET NOT FOR I SHALL NOT GIVE UP! Just like my January goal, I am to carry on this goal throughout the year and hopefully turn it into a habit rather than a chore.

Be patient with me.

I’m trying. Smile

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