Friday, March 23, 2012

Repose.

Nothing quite prepares you for the shock and the silence as disappointment mounts. People say that it doesn't matter, that you've done all you could, but there's a scratchy feeling within your chest - nothing too heavy or suffocating - that just nags at you. After receiving my results, I asked myself many questions and thought to myself for many minutes of a day of what I was truly capable of... because that's simply what happens with expectations. They climb and soar and the next thing you know, you're placed on a pedestal so high that even if you wore a parachute and had a waiting trampoline beneath, you would have no possible way of coming down safely. One by one, my peers climbed up the next rung, whilst the girl on the pedestal tumbled below, all the while wondering why she had been placed up there to begin with.

As I stood on the solid ground, bruised and tattered, I looked up at those on the pedestal. I saw their joy, their apprehension, and their anxiety... Because it's one thing to climb higher - and it's another to know that there's a long way to fall.

And yet, just to prove how silly us humans can be, we keep climbing. We don't know what's waiting for us at the top, or if there's anything there at all, but for some reason (if human instinct can be seen as a reason at all), we stand by the bottom rung and talk ourselves into thinking that we belong higher up. We make excuses & blame the "clearly foolish" government, the "definitely flawed" Bumi-prioritized system, the "different" A+ levels for different types of schools, and the "ridiculous" suffocating formats. We point our fingers and demand for re-evaluations.

Maybe we're right, but maybe we're wrong. Regardless of the truth, the world whispers of the girl who was pushed off the pedestal they themselves placed her on and they whisper of the boy they drove to suicide, their voices laced with disappointment and sorrow, sprinkled with judgement, and their fingers pointing everywhere else but themselves.

I did relatively well for SPM & have so much appreciation and love for those who have brought me here. To be honest, it took a while to see that. I was disappointed at some point for I knew that I disappointed a few people who had high hopes for me..

But A Levels is an entirely different ball game, and it's time to learn new rules!

All the best, my fellow students! May we be the best we can be! :)

4 comments:

  1. I saw 'girl' and 'trampoline' somewhere in this post.

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  2. I heard you did very well congratulations!

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    1. Heh.. I did alright. Thank you. :) Who did you hear from? :O

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