Saturday, April 7, 2012

The Myths of Gifts?

[DSC_0002[7].jpg]

People tend to have a misconception of buying/receiving presents, especially in a relationship or when wanting to get in a relationship. I've had plenty of friends who would complain about their boyfriends buying them too many or too expensive presents (yes, this can actually be a problem) or would feel upset when their boyfriends neglect to buy them anything. The boys who buy too much insist that they want to spoil their girlfriend, whereas the boys who don't spend enough insist that their girlfriend doesn't mind, isn't "like other girls" and doesn't expect presents.

1st Note: Of course she doesn't "expect" them, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't give her presents anyway!!

Basically, this post covers the myths of gifts. (Or whatever that's related that I can think of) By the way, when I'm talking about presents, I'm including random surprises and handmade stuff too!

1. Costly isn't always gold.
Guys love feeling helpful without feeling used. They like to think that the smile on your face, yeah that one, is there entirely because of what they did. It's probably a reason why so many tend to overspend when it comes to gifts. For starters, when they're not sure what to get, they think their best bet is something expensive. Although they see something cute you may like, they're worried you'd think they're cheap, and would probably go for a more costly alternative.

It is with that thought in mind that some guys don't buy their girlfriend presents at all, except for occasions like birthdays and Valentine's Day!

BUT, male species, giving expensive gifts isn't as wonderful as it may seem, especially at the beginning of relationships. For starters, it builds an unhealthy expectation for the future. First year anniversary, RM500 gift. Second year, RM200? Love her less is it?

Secondly, there's the guilt. You'd be surprised at how often girls feel bad when their boyfriend gets them something really costly for something really small. Then they feel this horrible need to re-compensate. Then there's a whole cycle of one-upping each other.. But then again, this isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Thirdly, (and this is actually pretty likely) if the gift is really really extravagant, your girlfriend might get worried you spend too much and thus start worrying about the future and how you two would sustain a household. The only way to save this situation is to insist that you only spend extravagantly on her and she need not worry otherwise. :P

In short, a slightly less costly gift on landmark days along with 20 cheap cute gifts throughout the year > 2 expensive gifts for the whole year.

Why is that?

It isn't that she only enjoys receiving gifts, it's because when you do get her gifts, it makes you seem thoughtful. And thoughtfulness is always a bonus.

image

Someone once bought me an app for my iPhone which I really wanted but was too cheap to buy on my own ($0.99) and till now, I still remember how happy I was when I received it. :)

2. The problem with boys who try too hard.

First off, it must be said that there should be a hugeee difference between going after a girl and being her boyfriend. Many things boys do when going after girls are sweet IF they were their boyfriends. Otherwise, it just comes across as a little too much.

Let's look at friendzoning for starters -

Probably the most popular line that a girl says to a guy when friendzoning him is "I don't deserve you, you can do so much better". If someone has said that to you before, you probably fall under the category of being too nice/doing too much. Ever bought her random presents? Accompanied her just so she wouldn't be alone although you were busy? Yeahp, that's you.

The girl isn't lying, in her head she really feels as though you could be with someone who would appreciate you better. Why is this happening? Why isn't she falling head over heels for you? There are three possibilities in this scenario:

1) She does like you. Just slightly. Maybe a tiny crush. But you've already spent so so much of time and effort and have probably already declared your undying love to her that she feels that no matter how much she likes you, she would never be able to like you to the same extent. And thus, to be 'fair' to you, she doesn't tell you she likes you and wants you to find someone who would appreciate your lavish attentions.

2) She doesn't know how to like you & you've probably scared her off.

Solution?
Don't try too hard at the beginning. What you should be doing is impressing her enough to catch her interest but don't put down all your cards just yet. So keep a lid on the gifts and random belanja-ing her moments. Don't worry, if you want to spend your money, you'll have plenty of opportunity to once you get together.

3. The gradient of improvement

When a guy goes after a girl, he tends to throw in all his resources at one go. He tries incredibly hard at the beginning and impresses her to the max (if he doesn't scare her off first). He's sweet and thoughtful and alert and the next thing you know, you're defenseless and you're falling.. falling.. falling.

Here's the problem.

Once you get together, he stops trying.

He stops with the elaborate romantic gestures, chooses games over you, goes out with his friends all the time although he's busy when it's time to see you, etc..

I even drew a graph to illustrate this!

image

The dotted red line is the beginning of the relationship. What happens is that he puts in so much effort at the beginning to reel the girl in, making her believe that she'd be treated like a princess the whole way through. Once he gets her, he puts in a little more effort to secure his position in her heart.. and then just slacks off from there. You can't really blame the guy. His gradient of effort was so steep at the beginning that to continue such an improvement can be somewhat torturous. Of course, he's still treating her well. His effort is still above 50%, but the girl doesn't see that. She sees the DIFFERENCE. She sees how he's treating her LESS well. How he's not putting in AS MUCH.

Then she complains and blablabla and the guy thinks she's demanding but in the actual fact, she's only like that because she was promised so much more at the start! It's like going to a store to pick out a TV and when you're testing it there, it is in full HD. You bring it home then it starts to get blurrer and more grainy and the next thing you know, you're watching in black & white! Feel conned right?!

Now let's look at another example.

image

This guy is smart. He puts in a lot less effort at the beginning but still with a steep gradient to reel her in. Once he gets her, he continues with the relationship by improving and treating her even better and although when you take the area of the graph, the first guy is doing a LOT more, the girlfriend of this example feels better because of the IMPROVEMENT. Every date gets better. Who doesn't want that? Even if you don't improve, the initial standard of which you got her to agree to be with you had already satisfied her so she would still be somewhat satisfied.

Q: What if she doesn't want to be with me if I didn't put in a crazy amount of effort at the start?
A: If you really really want her, then you have to be prepared to put in at least that amount of effort throughout your whole relationship. If you don't want that, then you're not ready for a high maintenance girlfriend anyway!

IN CONCLUSION, keep improving. Start super small, and get bigger from there. Don't make the mistake of throwing everything in at the start and having a dissatisfied grumpy girlfriend who keeps expecting more.

-
Actually, I think I've gone a little off topic from what I intended to say but main points still stand. Open-mouthed smile

- don't spend too much at the start
- little gifts and surprises from a boyfriend means the world
- don't get friendzoned - don't put down all your cards at one go

With that, good luck & may the girl of your dreams be in your grasp!

9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Haha, thanks Jo. :P I know you miss me la thats why so randomly come here comment ahaha.

      Delete
  2. I guess now I know why I fail. D:

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay, baby! :) let's hope it won't happen again!

      Delete
  3. I wanna say sth about the graphs but it'll sound too Mathnerdy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm actually worried as to what it is you wanna say.. >.<

      Delete
  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete