Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Five Types of Shower-ers

Ever since moving into halls with communal showers, life hasn’t been the same. No longer do simple towel woes burden me. Besides the irrational fear that when I shower behind the pathetic excuse of a door they call the shower curtain, someone’s going to pull it open a la Pitch Perfect (scene embedded below), I’ve pretty much gotten used to the mad grab-drench-and-dash routine I’ve established.

Of course, I don’t exactly share the same woes as Anne Kendrick for the plain old reason that I can’t sing to save my life, but there is a possibility that my shower singing could inspire a violent struggle to shut me up.. So, I keep absolutely silent when I shower.

Which brings me to, ladies and gentlemen, the types of people who you encounter in the shower room! Which one are you?

1. The Opera Singer

This is the flashy, top-of-lungs singing (may be good or bad), no shame type. The one who doesn’t mind asking you to pass a bottle of shampoo she left outside, even if it means that her shower curtain has to open a crack. She is the one who walks around in a towel in the shower room and all the way out to the corridors. Confident and comfortable in her own skin, she leaves the more shy ones feeling sheepish and awkward as she strikes conversation in nothing more than a towel.

2. The One With a Habit

This is the person who showers in that ONE stall in that ONE way. And if anyone uses their shower stall, well.. They would rather come back another time. Maybe even another day. Probably the one who had the most problems leaving their comfortable attached toilet at home and cannot get used to the fact that the toilets and the showers are separated. The moment these showerers build their habits, don’t expect them to change anytime soon.

3. The Prune

These are the ones who enter the shower on New Year’s Day and leave by the time Christmas comes. Not content with a quick rinse, they allow their hands to wrinkle and bodies to prune before declaring the shower satisfactory. If they have classes at 10am, expect them to be in the shower by 8am, or they’ll never make it to class on time. Heck, they would rather be late than shorten the shower of theirs.

4. The Loner

This is the one who feels most at peace when the shower room is completely empty. They pick odd times of the night or the wee hours of the morning for their daily cleansing and when they hear the sound of another person entering their territory, they freeze, roll their eyes and curse them away mentally. The Loner would rather skip events than have to share the toilet with a bunch of naked strangers and can only truly relax beneath the scorching water when not a soul is nearby.

5. The Polluter

Often confused as a hygiene freak, the polluter uses so much shampoo, body soap, conditioner, and other miscellaneous product that the entire drainage is filled with soap suds. For every square inch of their skin, a handful of soap is required to leave them content. Their body products are often overpriced and smell of some combination of strawberry and/or vanilla and when they leave the shower stall, the floor still remains slippery from the oversaturated suds that didn’t have the chance to be washed away.

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But no matter what kind of showerer you are, remember to keep yourself dry after, just like this cuddly kitten.

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