Looking back.

Monday, August 13, 2012

With long showers being an exception, I must first and foremost confess that I’m not one to sit down silently in quiet contemplation. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried of course, but over the years, I’ve discovered that I learn the most about myself in conversations with others. It is through these long pseudo-intellectual Whatsapp conversations or text messages with certain people (Yu Kong deserves an honorary mention here) that I formulate my thoughts about the world, and consequently, about myself.

In essence, that would be the equivalent of me thinking aloud.

When I do look back upon the lines of text which was generated in The Spur of The Moment, at times I cringe at how shallow I come across, or wonder at my questionable sense of humour. Other times, I read back and have one of those “HO DAMN TIFF, you’re a genius!” moments, which unfortunately, have been rarer as of late. :(

Stemming off from that, I started to realize that if my opinions regarding myself and so many other things of the world are formulated based on arguments (discussions, really!) with others, how reliable would my brain be when pitted against none but itself? It’s akin to getting a whip speaker to deliver a speech against an absent opponent! How is it that certain people are able to quietly ‘reflect’ upon their day? Do they make appointments with themselves to set aside time for silent thought? And then I wondered, is it because they think differently from I do? (Which should be an obvious yes.) But how different and to what degree?

When I think, I don’t hear my words. Oftentimes, the first time I hear my own thought is when it’s already out of my mouth. Hence, the thinking aloud. It has gotten me into trouble a fair number of times but has been able to lead me to one of my greatest passions – debate. Rattling off dozens of words a minute isn’t something that’s uncommon either probably due to the inability of my brain to keep up with the words and thus, be unable to filter anything that passes my lips. Which yet again got me thinking.. is it that I think too much? Or think too little? There would be arguments on both sides, see. I think too much, hence the oversaturation of thoughts in my head, leading to that horrendous outpouring of words in moments of excitement. But if I can think so much, then why is it that my mind often finds itself unable to reflect in silence? Or does my brain only work when I’m talking? Which.. would assuredly make me a very annoying person. –.-‘

I suppose if there is any time to be rash in thoughts and words, the most appropriate time would be now. The stupid things I say can cower beneath the shield of ‘teenage hood’ and puberty can be blamed for so much. Rather than be upset that teenagers or youth in general do not get taken as seriously, use it to your advantage to awe when the need arises, and back you up in slips. After all, will we get this privilege upon graduation?

Speaking of graduation and thought, I’ve been meaning to blog about the alumni dinner Sri KDU hosted sometime last week.

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Hugging my favourite teacher!

I regretfully must admit then when I was asked to give a speech, I did a horribly awkward job. Just imagine the most awkward giggly voice you can think of thanking the school.. and that was me. But hey! Apparently everyone understood me and at least I was speaking fluent  English so that wasn’t too much of an embarrassment. :P

Tiffany, Jocelyn, and Celine.

It was a pleasant dinner with the company of many I had missed but at the end of the day, it was us three again. :P Being with Jo and Ce is much like going back to a warm comfortable blanket. Despite going to three separate colleges, when we’re together, it’s as though things never changed. Celine’s as white as ever, Jocelyn as interesting, and me? Well, I’m definitely still taller than them. :)

It isn’t just them though which make time look like it hasn’t passed. When I see Zhengs in college, it becomes so easy to hold onto his hands as though I’ve never let them go and laugh together over the silliest of things. With Melvin, the moment he sees me, he goes back to his absolutely TERRIBLE habit of squishing my much-too-fleshy arm and with Chien Teng, it becomes natural to waggle my eyebrows at her suggestively and expecting a similarly perverse expression in return.

After losing a school mate this year, I suppose I see things in a slightly different perspective as well. Hanging out with friends isn’t necessarily a social harm, but could be seen as an emotional investment as well.


Which is why it was so great to be able to spend time with our seniors, namely Kok Weng, Ryan, and Jia Shern over dinner one day. Although a considerable portion of the night was spent with us stressing over the study time we were missing out on, it was a pleasant dinner and I enjoyed myself! Open-mouthed smile


Although Kok Weng said all we did was talk about Chemistry.

Which is absolutely not true.

And somewhat hurtful.

Because I distinctly remember spending some time promoting TMUN. :P


BUT HEY-HO, out with the old and in with the new! :P

Although a part of my heart lies in PE4, which is now female-less after my, Jin’s and Flo’s departure to PE5, the new class has been very welcoming. Smile

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And yes, it’s true. We did sneak into PE4’s photoshoot as well, but hey, the more (of us in the yearbook) the merrier! Smile with tongue out After a long discussion about marriage and family values with my classmates today over differential equations, I can foresee another year of me learning about others while learning about myself.

So, maybe it isn’t too bad that I can’t seem to think on my own.. And in the worst case scenario, all I need to do is find someone to debate with. :P

4 comments on "Looking back."
  1. Tiff can read this whole post out loud in less than 60 seconds.

    True story.

    1. Hahahahh! Omg la what nonsense! Aha but seriously if I could say that in a minute as opposed to the 30 minutes it takes for me to write, I'm gonna give up on writing alrdy man =='

  2. No photo no comment! >:( Oh wait, I just did.

    1. Hahaha why la my friend here so smart? :p Hello to you too.


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